Prayers for the Earth: A Composer’s Journal Entries: September 8-9, 2005
Thursday, September 8
Still trying to find a name for the cycle for strings and choir I am writing:
Prayers for the Earth:
I. Prayer to St. Michael, for Protection.
II. Prayer to Our Lady, for Graces & prayers
III. Prayer to the Holy Spirit, for Healing & Enlightenment
Maybe I’ll let Bob Spear choose a title. Last time he came up with String Quintet II.
Friday, September 9
Realized that I had not cashed a check from my book publisher from July, and now I cannot, it has expired. Tried to reach my representatives by e-mail, and no one is there. Either they are on vacation, were fired - or quit. I might have to telephone them.
I keep getting glimpses of the third and final Movement of this cycle for Spear’s string octet and choir. These glimpses are all visual, with a few distant, faint pitches heard. This third Prayer will be very different from the two first movements. The choir might have the short prayer to the Holy Spirit: “Come Holy Spirit, renew the face of the earth.” Perhaps other short prayers as well. At other times, I might have the choir on syllables instead of words. Not melisma, but either one or changing neutral syllables. I would have to think about this. The Holy Spirit is often experienced as wind, and Christ refers to the Comforter as the wind that “bloweth where it will”. So I am trying to find a way to do that musically. The wind effects might be quickly moving harmonics in the strings; but the Holy Spirit is also very powerful ... I need to think more on this. In any case, it will be the least traditional of the three. At least in terms of form, if not also harmonies. I see the strings moving in shorter phrases, sections, and then receding - the same for the choir, and I think they will take turns, sort of moving one above or under each other, in chunks. Sometimes overlapping, sometimes not. This is tricky, because often what works inwardly visually does not work as well aurally. Or - the strings will continue with longer phrases and sections while the choir appears and then disappears. Or they will alternate in this fashion, i.e. the overall form is beginning to take shape, or at least take possibilities. This is the advantage - and the disadvantage - of using a very short text or texts. With a longer text, the words themselves help to determine the form. A short text gives more freedom, more possibility. Which can also mean more creative work for the composer, in terms of form. Well, if one is creative, does not want to merely use an established, conventional form. Then to decide if I wish to add harp & flute, as Spear has suggested. His thinking is that the musicians will already be there, if we give this concert as planned. (He has suggested a concert of only my music, scheduled for this coming winter or spring.) It is a question of practicality - finding & paying the musicians. In Ithaca, I have Laura & Myra. But will it be too difficult for other towns to find a harpist & a flute ...
I think I am not hearing any pitches yet because I do not want to be confused with new inner sounds as I copy out the second Prayer and make final decisions. Decided to use Prayers for the Earth as a title, at least for now.
Depressed at lack of funds, these future concerts with choir will be expensive. And the lack of grant opportunities. Have decided to inwardly let all that go for now. Decided to wait to apply for the Fellowship until next year. In case I do receive the other grant I applied for, or Spear’s grant comes through - they would all conflict. Although, I need not write anything new for Spear’s grant. It is possible that we will find a choir at Cornell that would be interested in performing the new cycle, Prayers for the Earth. Bob Spear is so tied up organizing his string convention, there are no brain cells left over for our concerts. I tell myself that whatever happens here on earth - these new pieces will be heard in Heaven. In fact they might be heard there before I even write them. Louise might be singing them right now, as I write these words. Which gives me the thought that if I concentrate, and listen carefully - I can hear the pieces now, and then just write them down. As I write those words - I do see the music, but cannot hear it. And I see it very indistinctly, like a gold blur. Strange, I never before thought about it, but often I see sound visually. And I would be at a loss to describe it to others. But this music that I am seeing now is composed of gold Light, and moves in lines across space, as notes would on the score - except I am seeing the sounds themselves, not the written notes. I can almost hear the sounds, but they are still just beyond my perception. Occasionally I do hear voices & pitches to this third, future movement, but just here and there. I had better finish the movement I am now on before these sounds become too distinct - or I will get very confused, torn between the two.
I had not really thought about it, but I suppose what I experience is a form of clairaudience: somewhat similar to when I can almost see beings in other realms, and can almost hear them speaking - but not quite. And even though I cannot hear the words they are saying per se: I still know what they are saying. Very difficult to explain. This experience is a different sort of hearing than the form of clairaudience where it is as though JF or M. is speaking to me across the kitchen table at breakfast. In those instances, the words are very clear - and unforgettable. It’s a different sort of clairvoyance as well - it is not a little movie in my head, nor am I seeing beings in the living room. I am more seeing them in the realm they are now in; but for whatever reason, to fully see or hear them tangibly is not possible. Hmm ... Perhaps, at those times, they themselves are not that tangible. Or the barrier between our realms is too great; or I am not pure enough, receptive enough. One saint wrote that this sort of clairvoyance & clairaudience is of a more developed sort. Another saint was told that communication between realms must first be allowed by God; i.e. beings in other realms are only allowed to communicate with us with God’s permission. Well, I will not fully understand these things until I myself am in another realm ... Often I wonder why God does not just tell us everything we need to know, why we must live in such Mystery & isolation while in the body, on earth.
This inward peering, to see or hear future music that I will write, is not always useful - nor does it always happen. It reminds me somewhat of the drawings I used to do as a child, in school. Many years ago, I found a box of drawings I had done in elementary school that my mother had saved, in a closet. Many of them were done on two pieces of paper - a sheet of tracing paper stapled over a piece of regular drawing paper. One was a picture of a house, trees, clouds, the sun. The house & lawn was drawn on the bottom sheet; the sun, trees & clouds were drawn on the tracing paper. I think it was my childish way of trying to represent, illustrate my clairvoyance, how I perceived the world & the various realms that exist, that I was then aware of.
Robert Schumann said the angels brought him his music; yes, often it is like that.
An e-mail from the publisher. They will send another check.
Prayers for the Earth: A Composer’s Journal September 8-9
Moderator: figaro