Photo: soprano Louise McConnell (left) and the composer many years ago, while on tour in New Jersey and NYC. This photo was taken while on break from concerts, in Manasquan, NJ, on the Atlantic shore.
Friday, March 23
11:45 p.m.
The Fairies’ Banquet is done, the violin part added, the main score cut & pasted & copied in. - pages of score. These Images were written in 2003, in a loose 12 tone style. I must admit that I have almost abandoned the row completely in the violin part. As I get older I am getting more & more tonal.
Looked up when I was done to see photographs of Carolyn & E. and Ian smiling at me from the upright piano rack. Watched some television shows for Cable 13 on Louise McConnell & my music. One show was of her paintings, with Louise singing my early songs for the soundtrack. In another Carolyn & I were in the studio discussing her mother’s paintings & jewelry as they appeared onscreen, my music in the background. I think that was my favorite show; it felt as though we were finally all together again. And my music & Louise’s paintings made a unified whole; they became one. I remember her painting them, a yellow wave of paint here, a blue light, small, brush stroke there ... If Louise were still on earth painting and singing my music, I most likely would still be an entirely 12 tone composer. It was a magic world, a rarefied air to breathe & live in.
In one soundtrack fragment I said that I questioned the way musical sounds existed in the world. I was young, in my late twenties. Now I find that comment rather funny, even snobbish - although I also can remember what I meant as I said it. At the time my thought was that there was untapped sound & possibility for composers, as yet undiscovered. And of course I think that is also true now, & probably will always be true. There were photographs of Louise & me in NYC, performing on street corners, at the Cloisters, on the steps of the Metropolitan Museum. Carolyn was with us, & she was a child of perhaps eight or nine years old ...
Walked into another room to get something & gazed at a small Degas painting of ballet dancers in a wooden frame. One of the dancers in the painting looks just like Louise’s sister Jude, who is a ballet dancer & choreographer. In the painting the dancer who so resembles Jude is wearing a shimmering, white ballet dress & a stylish, thin black choker. How many artists have walked this earth throughout history, trying to bring Beauty to the world, & meaning to their own lives ... An infinite number, mostly forgotten & unnamed, searching & finding, seeking & not finding; living their art form in their own fashion, trying to express the intangible & fleeting. Dancers. A painter painting fellow artists, for a finite space exploring their world. These dancers were rehearsing with a white-haired old gentleman in a stylish black suit. A dignified & patient violinist with his bow raised, his hand on the fingerboard - either just finished with his song or waiting to begin, surrounded by dancers.
Warm & sunny today, in the low fifties. A short walk in the gardens; the early crocus & iris sudden swatches of color. I sadly tried to think of someone who could clear the gardens of the old stalks and leaves; in the past, I would be filled with such joy at the prospect of spring & summer & working in the gardens.
Early next week I will Xerox these new scores & give them to Myra, to take back with her to New York City. Also must make more Xerox copies of the Visions score; while in Paris, Myra spoke with two harpists who would like copies. Both tour Europe frequently. When the Images are finished & corrected, I will send those scores to Paris as well.
I will begin work on Elegie later tonight or tomorrow.
Saturday, March 24
Began work on Elegie last night, added a violin line. In this instance I did not change any notes in the original score, just rearranged & took lines from the string quintet version. Found a mistake or two in Spear’s original computer score of the quintet version; wrote myself a note to tell him.
12:25 a.m.
The main score to Elegie is done. It is twenty pages of score.