A Composer’s Journal Entries: June 3 - June 7, 2006

Journal entries by composer and pianist Laurie Conrad

Moderator: figaro

Post Reply
figaro
Posts: 535
Joined: Sun Mar 27, 2005 12:45 am
Location: Ithaca, NY
Contact:

A Composer’s Journal Entries: June 3 - June 7, 2006

Post by figaro »

A Composer’s Journal Entries: June 3 - June 7, 2006
Saturday, June 3
6:45 p.m.

Began revising the Piano Quintet today, for the fall concert and recording. Adding voices here & there, measures here & there. The piano part will not change, but I am now expanding one existing section. No new thematic material; adding brief counter subjects, changing parts from the piano to the strings, from the strings to the piano, creating or subtracting a voice - very little will change, I think, overall. Still, I can agonize over every note. Surprising, considering how quickly I write. The frame can materialize in seconds. It’s hanging all the various parts and pitches together that can give me pause. I scribbled down a few new pages this afternoon, but now will go out & see a play with Lauren - later tonight hopefully I can complete this section. Originally, I had this section longer the second time it appears, but now I think it should be shorter the second time. More like a memory, & then moving on to the following section, putting the emphasis more on what follows ...

It is interesting how our inner rhythms & tempi change as we get older. And we must bring our entire beings with us, to the music. That entire being has life and mystical experiences that cannot be erased - we cannot go backwards, we must always face ahead of us ... In that sense, I even wonder if revising an older work is a good idea. In this case, the original piano solo version will not change, only this version with strings. So I think I stand on firm ground to make these changes. The piece was written ten years ago, in January, 1996. It is dedicated to my singer, Louise McConnell. It must have been written shortly after she died, because it is entitled “Unsung Song #1” . As I recall, it is a cycle of three solo piano pieces. One has an optional voice part, scored for baritone voice. That “Unsung Song” has already been performed with and without the voice part. Later, I added a string trio to #1, which will now be a quartet of strings accompanying the piano, for the fall concert at Cornell.

The next step is to draw up manuscript paper for this combination of instruments, and make Xerox copies so that I can copy out the full score. That is the real task, copying the notes out into full score & parts.

M. returns from Canada tomorrow, early evening. I plan to go to Windgarth House in the morning & work on the books. The gardens are planted & weeded, perhaps I will have time to practice the Rachmaninov this week. Perhaps not. I thought life would slow down with age, but it seems to be speeding up ...

Tuesday, June 6
11:20 p.m.

Worked on the revision yesterday; struck a few measures out, put a few new ones in. Today, added a few voices to the sketch from Saturday. It is beginning to fall into place now, passing voices between the piano & the strings, rhythms. Rethinking some of my earlier decisions. Just now the piece feels like a mobile that needs balancing - just a touch here or there, a note here or there, a rhythm, a countersubject ...

Realized today that I have not yet put metronome markings, nor dynamics - nor the completed harp part in the score of Movement II of the cycle for orchestra & choir. Nor finished the second version of the score for full orchestra. Distracted by the gardens & other events of life ... When this Quintet is done & copied, I will finish Movement II - scored for full orchestra, with dynamics, metronome markings & a harp part. And then start Movement III. Wrote myself a note to do this.

For some reason I am now thinking of Karel Husa, my lessons with him in college. Often I would misplace or lose entire scores I had written. I should call him.

Louise’s sister Jude will be staying at Windgarth House next week, for some days. Hopefully, Carolyn & the children will also be there. It would be nice to see so many McConnells together; maybe we’ll have dinner by the lake, a bonfire afterwards, marshmallows on sticks - with the sound of the waves & the fragrances of the gardens ... Maybe we can persuade Jude to dance for us on the lawn ... with the hills in the distance reminding us that life & love are eternal, all is not fleeting. I have not seen Ursula since she was a small baby - Angela held her at Louise’s memorial service, by the falls. I was still very injured then, & have almost no clear memories of that day - only fragments of memory, kaleidoscopic images, feelings ... I remember only Jude & Angela holding Ursula. M. was there. A picnic by the falls, under the cliffs & all the McConnells, friends, motion, a blur ...

Strangely, it was also where we had my birthday party, a mere few months before my accident. Buttermilk Falls State Park, by the falls & under the cliffs. A picnic. JF directed us in Shakespeare’s “The Tempest”. My illustrator, Diana Souza was a fairy, with wings; Liz wore a yellow dress & was Miranda; Sunny Bat-or was a spirit; M. & I wore capes; Busi’s mother from Africa had come for the party and read brilliantly; CS was there watching. Joan & Alice also watched, from the stone steps - I introduced them to each other that day. Alice brought dried flowers. The woman who later sold me my seven foot Steinway grand piano was there, with her niece - I had not met them yet. They watched from a nearby picnic table, & later I found out that they had enjoyed it immensely.

After my accident, Sunny, Joan, Alice & CS died - Joan & Alice within a week of each other. And I died in my accident & then returned to earth. The woman who owned my Steinway piano also died. And then my singer, Louise McConnell. CS was my patron. Louise, CS & my publisher all died within a year. So many comings & goings, to & fro, there or back. And here I still am, on earth. It is as though I brought them all together that day under the cliffs near the falls - to celebrate my leaving. Instead, I returned - & they left.

Sometimes I wonder if I truly know where I am going.

Later, I found out that CS & the mother of one of my piano proteges both heard my accident - they both were there & saw my crumpled car, but didn’t know it was me ... Both CS & my piano protege later died. My college professor in piano & close friend, GD, also died - as did my Teacher in Divine Healing, JP. GD, Alice & Joan all died within the same month. With my little cat, Franz.

I wonder if going from realm to realm is as easy as I think it is. Well, They did send me back. It feels like such a simple thing - we are here, & then we are there - & in my case, then we are here again. I often feel as though I am floating between realms. And strangely, that is often when I most feel this life has meaning. As a solid, material, physical reality or place - earth does not truly interest me. Perhaps that is why I am a musician. Music is so transparent, one can easily exist in two realms at once, simultaneously. GD used to say that music was the most intangible, & therefore the most spiritual of all the arts. And I must agree... Yet, there is something beyond music, something that can only be experienced in the mystical inner life, without thought or images or sounds. My music - for me, now - is more for others than myself. To bring something back for those who yearn for that which is beyond our earthly experience.

I would rather listen to the flowers sing, than hear even the most beautiful Chopin or Mozart ... Life becomes more & more transparent, music becomes more & more transparent ... Even thoughts become like lead or stone, in comparison ...

Wednesday, June 7

M. came home late, after a meeting. Kept hearing Unsung Song #1 in my head, in the gardens - only the piano part, and only a few measures at a time. Made some changes & additions, before & after meditation class. Worked on the bass lines, in the strings. Now that I am adding a stringed bass, I have another, lower octave to explore. If we use Robert Spear’s newest stringed bass instrument, it would extend the downward range even further. His bass could double many of the piano’s low notes. This piece uses a wide range - & great spaces between the high & low voices. The effect - is chilling. Somewhat like hearing Maria Callas sing in a darkened room.
Post Reply