Journal entries about clairvoyance, meditation, spirituality, and mystical experiences
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Image: Sunrise over the hills at Windgarth.
Wednesday, September 3
September. The beginning of autumn. A few leaves here and there turning colour, both here in town and at Windgarth - the purples asters in bloom ...
Another message from A, saying that he missed hearing from me. A. has battled bouts of terrible depression off and on for many years. I responded:
" Well, I miss hearing from you too. What has your personal Cross, your suffering, taught you? What is it teaching you now? Hopefully - at least over time - true Humility, as we discussed last time.
However, there is something else: to become very depressed, even suicidal at times, can be in a way helpful - if used correctly depression can help to detach us from conventional reality, conventional life, i.e. can help us to overcome the usual attachment to things and the material world. But then we must take another important step!
Can you guess what that next step is?
More Healing and angels on the way to you today.
Thursday, September 4
After gazing at the photograph of the moon over the lake I just uploaded for the previous A Mystic’s Journal entry, I thought of Ramana Marharshi’s analogy of the moon’s light being the reflected light of the sun/ the ego is the reflected light of the Light of the soul.
That is why, in our meditations, we are trying to contact the true Source of Light in us, i.e. the soul and the Divine Itself.
Ramana also used the analogy of the images on the movie screen as being the ego’s perceptions and thoughts, whereas the source of those images was the light of the movie projector.
We really should study Ramana again in meditation classes ... Until we understand the true nature of the ego, we can only progress so far on the spiritual Path.
Father Leo stopped by to give me Communion. After he left, I stood up and was walking toward the upstairs hallway when I was suddenly thrown into a deep meditation filled with radiant Light; as I stood there transfixed, in my meditation pages of radiant Light began to fall from Our Lady’s feet, as they had in the past. I asked that the pages of Light I was seeing include this Journal and also We Meet in Dreams, which I intend to soon rewrite.
Friday, September 5
Received a response from A. today:
“ Hi Laurie
Good to hear from you. I've been thinking about this a lot, and like it or not, I believe that my speech problem has made me more compassionate and empathetic to others. As much pain it has caused me it has opened my heart to others in positive way. I've always looked at the negative side instead of the positive. And, it has humbled me in many ways.
With me though, being depressed and even periods of being suicidal, like I have been at times has not been good or helpful. It is feeling of complete terror and hopelessness. Believe me Laurie, in my experience being in a suicidal state is not from God and it is closest to hell that I ever want to be. I have experienced that I never want to go back. The only attachment that I felt was from God and my loved ones. However, when you are in your most vulnerable state, I believe some how some way that God is with you more than ever. And like with the speech problem it has produced an empathy for people who are depressed or feeling oppressed. So I guess that would be a positive. Everything happens for a reason.
So would the next step by letting go of these problems to God? Or how do we detatch ourselves from what is holding us back?
Thanks again Laurie. As always, it's good talking to you. Have a good night.”
I thought about what A. had written and e-mailed him:
I found your message today very beautiful and insightful. I agree that your suffering has brought you to a deeper empathy and Compassion for others. And to Humility. These are tremendous virtues, and sometimes one can only attain them through suffering. No small achievement ...
As you describe your depression - it sounds more like despair, i.e. a lack of all hope, a lack of connection with the soul. In fact, it sounds like the first Dark Night of the soul.
In the first Dark Night everything seems very Dark - but we are told that so much Light is coming into us that it appears as darkness. I have entries on the Dark Night of the soul in a Mystic's Journal, you could look them up if you wish and then ask me more questions.
According to the saints there are three stages in the Interior Life. The first Dark Night comes just before we enter the Illuminative period, the second stage of the Interior Life.
St. Teresa of Avila tells us that very few even reach the first Dark Night, even those in convents and monasteries.
The way through the Dark Night is to look towards God and the soul. And that is the next step I was speaking of. In the Dark Night we lose our attachments to the material world, sometimes our attachments to other people, as well as material things or careers. This sudden disenchantment with the things of earth leaves us bereft of all that we wished for and knew - and can bring a deep despair and/or terror. Often we will lose a marriage or a career, or an illness or accident will take everything from us. Each person will experience the Dark Night in their own way.
The Dark Night is so that we will put God and the soul first in our lives, above all else. That is the lamp we bring with us through the Doorway to the Illuminative Period.
To enter the Illuminative Period, we must detach from the things of earth. However, if we do not then look to God and the soul to completely fill our lives - we have nothing but emptiness and despair and our own ego. When souls enter the monastery it is a more conscious step, and easier. But most of us will not enter a convent or monastery, so the Dark Night is more unconscious and therefore often more difficult.
Perhaps for this reason most people will not make it through the first Dark Night the first time, because they will instead become angry or bitter; many will turn their back on God. These people will have to go through the Dark Night again and again, because their own soul wishes them to enter the next stage of the Interior Life.
The Illuminative Period is broken down into three stages by Saint Teresa of Avila, and in the later stages of the Illuminative Period we can already begin to have glimpses of Mystical Union, which is the Third Stage of the Interior Life. The Illuminative Period can also bring us ectasies and miracles - more importantly, we begin to feel a tangible inner and outer Presence of a Love and Peace we had only previously hoped for, dreamed of.
Once there - you will be on your knees to the Dark Night of the soul.
You asked: “So would the next step by letting go of these problems to God?” Yes, this is a big part of that next step. To get through the Dark Night however, we must also put God and the soul center in our lives, above and beyond all else. In other words, when we become disenchanted with the material world - we then need to replace it with something. Otherwise we are living in a void, an emptiness, and life loses all Meaning for us. The difficulty with the Dark Night is that we are not yet standing fully in the soul, knowing its Radiance, feeling its Love. So it is a leap of faith. Once in the Illuminative Period, we know have seen the soul’s Radiance and felt its Love, and the soul itself becomes our greatest refuge.
You also asked: how can we detach from what is holding us back?" - a valuable question. Understanding can help us, in this case understanding the Dark Night and its purpose. That and inwardly repeating, "I am the soul". And of course, meditation.
Hope this helps you dear A.”
Briefly worked on the first few chapters of We Meet in Dreams; ideas are starting to fall into place for the revisions. Amy Cash stopped by yesterday and reminded me that we had agreed that Larson Publications might publish We Meet in Dreams when it is done. So my idea of posting the book online is now on hold. However, as with Realms of Light, I will at least post the early chapters.