Journal entries about clairvoyance, meditation, spirituality, and mystical experiences
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Living With Pain and Suffering & Remembering that We Are the Soul: A Mystic’s Journal Entries: March 18 - 23, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Yesterday I had lunch downtown with a close friend who has stage 4 cancer. She has been dizzy and nauseous from chemotherapy for months; some days she can barely get out of bed. One of the first things she said was that she had begun to lose faith in God in these past months. I asked: “Because you feel abandoned by God?”, and she started to cry.
I told her that I also have been dizzy and nauseous for months, and some days it was hard to remember that I was the soul. Whereas, before this nausea and dizziness and all that I have been through physically in the past few years - it was easy to remember that I was the soul. You could say effortless, automatic. But all the recent physical suffering was somehow capable of trapping me in the belief that I was the physical body, and I found that at times I had to remind myself that I was the soul. Either in brief, mini-meditations, by looking within and finding that inner Light - or by just repeating: “I am the soul”.
My friend said, “I should remind myself too”, and the change in her was immediate. Suddenly she was animated, smiling - and emitting a radiant Light, the Light I was used to clairvoyantly seeing in her.
In my experience, this simple exercise is the answer to all suffering, whether physical or emotional or spiritual. Our thoughts only confuse us, sink us further into our suffering. We must transcend them, put them aside - and think only of the soul and God.
Friday, March 21
This past week I have been writing to a fellow in Australia who is in constant pain; his physical troubles began when he was in his - and they have only worsened over the years. His medication brings little relief, and he wrote me long e-mails with all the thoughts about his suffering he has amassed over the years, both his own thoughts and the opinions of others: the cause is karmic, his suffering is his own fault; the cause is his anger; he unconsciously has built up inner walls around himself, he himself is blocking a miracle that could cure him; he now gets angry at the pain and mistrusts his own body; he needs and wants a miracle, this suffering is putting him backwards on the spiritual Path; he was told by a psychic that he should listen to his angel guides, but he can’t feel or hear them etc. etc.
Many of those thoughts are good ones, and some might even be true. But I told him to clear his mind of all thoughts, they are all blocking his healing. I told him to keep only two thoughts: God wants him healed, and the thought and knowing that he is the soul. Then the Healing I am sending his way will begin to have effect. I clairvoyantly saw that he could be fully cured within the year if he does this simple practice.
My Australian friend also wrote that as an athlete he had overworked his body in his early -, and was angry at the body’s limitations. His anger at his physical body now, because of its frailty and pain, is quite apparent. I asked him to send his own body Healing and Light; he must first make peace with the physical body and the vehicle’s limitations. It is the Light within us that achieves athletic or physical feats, not the body itself - as a pianist, I well know this. The great artists, athletes, dancers etc. transcend the physical body, even while using the body to achieve greatness. I also reminded him that the physical body was the vehicle for the soul while he was on Earth, and therefore should be thanked and respected, honored. I will continue to write to him, for as long as my messages are of some use to him.
Saturday, March 22
Today I received an e-mail from a woman in England, through the Distant Healing Network. She had a difficult childhood and memories tormented her. She is struggling with bulimia and asked me for healing. She wrote: “It seems the harder I try, the worse my eating gets! this makes me feel... disgusting, ashamed, guilty, weak, a failure, frustrated with my self etc etc. On a more positive note, it is wonderful that it has deepened my humility and empathy for all people... I am not sure if it is okay for me to request healing, or if this is something I must find a way out of alone.”
I replied: “You must banish those negative thoughts, if you wish to walk clearly and surely on the spiritual Path. ALL negative thoughts must go - those feelings of failure will only work against you. I call those self-negative thoughts : the devil getting in the back door. The Catholic Church calls them "scruples" and a venial sin. They are hard to catch, because they seem only self directed, no harm done to others: and yet they can destroy us when the devil's other assaults fail. Which in the end of course harms others, because we cannot now help them.
One more suggestion: as you think about these scenes from your past: always remember that you are the soul. The soul's Light cannot be harmed by any of those events - only we ourselves can harm the soul. If you remember that you are the soul, that radiant Light - these past memories cannot torment you, even as you relive them. It is the very nature of the physical vehicle to store memories. Memory is a power of the soul itself, so that every day we do not need to learn our names again each day... and so we can learn from our mistakes ... can build on our talents ... Try to see the positives in the way the vehicle works, so that you can make peace with it. It is the vehicle for the soul in this incarnation - without it we could not learn and evolve, we could not even perceive the world.
Whether you succeed or fail at bulimia is really not the point here; something Greater will replace the bulimia eventually, and then the eating problems will stop on their own. The Divine Love and Compassion of the soul and God will replace your disorder for you, heal you ...
I will send you Healing; no your bulimia cannot block it, bulimia does not ultimately even exist, it is just a bunch of thoughts - and please keep in touch with me. I am here for you for as long as you need me.”
In my work for the Distant Healing Network, I have learned that each case is individual. The causes of pain and suffering vary greatly, and so do the physical and emotional and spiritual cures. Some of the people who write or speak to me will soon go to other realms, some will stay on Earth. But our thoughts and fears and doubts will always get in the way of our healing, even if that Healing will bring us to other realms rather than back to physical health on Earth. Our identification with the physical body will hold us back on the spiritual Path - and our suffering can serve to advance us on the spiritual path. Often that advancement is the conclusion that our pain and suffering is holding us back on the spiritual path, and we should ask God for Healing. Sometimes it is quiet acceptance. Often it is a combination of both.
Suffering is an opportunity to get closer to God and the soul, no matter what the outcome.
There are great saints whose Faith healed them fully, such as St. Teresa of Avila and St. Therese of Lisieux - because healing was best for their souls and the souls of others. And there are great saints that were not healed and who suffered terribly throughout their lives, because that was best for their souls and the souls of others. The point here is that either path can bring us to sainthood, to a deep communion with God and the soul. It is our choice to use suffering as a way to deepen this connection - or to use suffering as a way to turn away from God and the soul, to lose ourselves in our own personal thoughts of failure and hopelessness, anger and bitterness. For some, pain and illness, suffering serves a passive purification, a way to make us more crystalline when do not consciously and actively purify ourselves in other ways. For others it is the Dark Night of the soul or spirit. But the answer, the spiritual practice is always the same: we must turn towards God and the soul. Even as we review our lives, even as we renew our lives and health - this must be our main focus if we are to be truly Healed and progress on the spiritual Path.
Sunday, March 23
Another message from my new friend in Australia. He wrote that in addition to the unbearable physical pain, he was also anorexic: “I need your messages, to not hate my body ...”
My response: “I have found that hating the body only makes everything worse. The Healing comes in when we send the body the Divine Love and Light...
Or better stated, become that Divine Love and Light ... i.e. stand in the soul Itself. I can do this when in terrible suffering only if I ask God, Our Lady, Christ - a saint - for help during those terrible, unbearable times. When standing before them, They Themselves remind me who I truly AM - it is as though I am suddenly placed in the luminous soul ... This is hard to put into words. It is almost as though They bring me to Their realm - even though I am still standing in my living room before their picture or statue ...
It is, I think, a form of Mystical Union ...”